How Strong K12 Principals Are “Lead Relationship Builders”

When we talk about educational leadership, we tend to focus on increasing rigor, elevating student achievement, and how we best support our teachers in their learning development, so they feel confident and empowered to teach our students. 

Educational leadership is all of these pieces, and yet, none of them would be possible without the relational structures and culture that, as school leaders, we work hard to develop within every part of our school ecosystem. Strong relationships—and the role school leaders play within them—are the undercurrent to nearly everything happening in our school buildings.

Strong relationships—and the role school leaders play within them—are the undercurrent to nearly everything happening in our school buildings.

• Relationships are the reason teachers feel empowered to hone their craft, knowing they’re supporting students’ academic and social-emotional learning.
• They’re responsible for high teacher morale, one of the key components needed to mitigate teacher burnout—and ultimately, increase teacher retention.
• They create a sense of safety and belonging for students and their families, and provide a gateway to honest conversations and opportunities for school improvement that they feel like they’re part of.
• And, they’re the catalyst for increased support for school initiatives, opening doors for impactful partnerships with community organizations. 

Each one of your stakeholders—teachers and staff, students, parents and families, and community organizations—needs something slightly different from you to strengthen trust and develop relationships. Let’s take a look at what those needs are and how school leaders can best meet them. 

Teachers and staff: focus on connecting and listening

How you communicate as a school leader has a big impact on a positive school culture. The more consistently and clearly you communicate, the more opportunities you have to cultivate trust and build rapport with your teachers and staff. 

In considering the impact of communication, we tend to think about the importance of “right message, right audience, right time.” While your message is indeed critical, there’s something to be said for going beyond the message to truly connect with your team. Good communication connects you to others. 

And that connection directly correlates to listening. For a moment, think about the last time you felt “talked to” instead of “listened to.” Now, consider how your teachers and staff might feel in the same situation. How can you make sure you’re building trust into your conversations through listening?

One way is to prioritize what the Co-Active Training Institute calls “global listening.” When you practice global listening, you’re giving your undivided attention to what’s being said as well as what’s not being said—body language, changes in voice and tone, and eye contact. Global listening creates a high level of relational trust. By paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, you’re showing your team that you truly see them. This kind of listening benefits teacher-student relationships too. 

Showing vulnerability is another way to create connections with your team. We’re all familiar with the “principal as superhero” myth—and the way to combat that is to set a tone that acknowledges that you also make mistakes. There are plenty of times that you won’t get it right, have an immediate answer, or will need to lean on them for support. Sharing stories about your missteps—and asking for help when you need it—is what allows your team to feel safe with your humanness as well as their own. 

Sharing stories about your missteps—and asking for help when you need it—is what allows your team to feel safe with your humanness as well as their own.

Students: provide consistency and create opportunities for agency

Student relationships thrive on stability and structure—especially in their learning environments. In some cases, a school building might be the one place where a student knows what to expect and can count on seeing the same adults each school day. School leaders can play a big role ensuring that consistency and student learning are prioritized through intentional visibility and action.

For example, this principal worked with her faculty and staff to ensure everyone managed discipline the same way. When a student says something that isn’t appropriate, school leaders, teachers, and staff members alike say, “Rephrase that.” Because the reaction was exactly the same from teacher to teacher, it helped students see the discipline as fair and safe—creating a more trusting environment. And, the consistency also worked to change student behavior. Soon, the students were asking their peers to “rephrase that” when they said something inappropriate.

After a sense of safety has been created, school leaders can further build relationships with students that help them voice their opinions, take initiative, and have agency over their learning. When leaders show students this trust, students not only become more confident, but they begin to ask for what they need to meet their learning objectives—taking a more active role and becoming more engaged in their learning. 

When leaders show students this trust, students not only become more confident, but they begin to ask for what they need to meet their learning objectives—taking a more active role and becoming more engaged in their learning. 

With both of these actions—consistency and creating agency—the key is to be visible. And we know: visibility takes time, and your time is in short supply. Consider the ways you can be visible and available while completing other school leader tasks. For example, is there an opportunity to talk with students during hallway pass times, or when they’re walking into school? Or, take a cue from Antonio Burt, CEO of KIPP Memphis and New Leaders alum, who regularly creates opportunities for students to have lunch with him. “I want to hear straight from them about things we can improve upon (and) things we’re doing well,” he says. 

Community organizations: create ways to harness expertise and develop equitable partnerships

“Community” in our schools often means we’re looking through the lens of those who exist within our four walls. However, there are many other groups that are part of your school family—the community organizations, local businesses, government entities, event organizers, and other groups that make up your neighborhood and district. 

Building relationships is a step toward a more community-centric school design, where schools act as equal contributors to their communities and vice versa. In doing so, they create opportunities for students to connect with, learn from, and contribute to the world around them. As students experience your larger community through project-based learning, mentoring, and understanding your community’s history and culture, your community reaps the benefits, too.

As students experience your larger community through project-based learning, mentoring, and understanding your community’s history and culture, your community reaps the benefits, too.

Take this example of a Vermont principal who implemented a series of experiential learning programs for the students at his school. Working with the tech centers in his region, he bridged the gap between students who were already looking to learn aspects of the trades in sixth or seventh grade—and the programs the tech centers had for students in high school. He created programs for those younger students as a way to harness that interest early on. 

“Those students, when they get into 11th and 12th grades, can be successful going into a trades field and really jump into the regional tech center system…and be strong candidates for the many skilled trades positions that are open and necessary right now in our world,” he says. This partnership is an example of a win-win for both the school and the community—creating interest in and access to a subject using local expertise that will also help fill future jobs. 

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Parents and families: center collaboration and two-way communication

We’ve talked before about the difference between “involving” vs. “engaging”—and the importance of the latter. When you’re actively engaging with families, you’re co-creating an experience together rather than asking them to experience a specific situation. 

To build relationships with families, identify whether there are more opportunities to have collaborative conversations that advance a sense of family-school partnership. For example, let’s say you’re hosting an open house for families after the holiday break. Consider surveying parents to understand the top topics they’d like to discuss—and build in time for them to share feedback at the event. 

These kinds of give-and-take experiences signal that two-way communication is important to you. Of course, there will always be situations where you’ll need to provide information to families—changes in bus schedules, school assembly reminders, or inclement weather reports. But building in more opportunities for parents and families to contribute their opinions, insights, and perspectives can go a long way toward co-creating solutions together. 

Building in more opportunities for parents and families to contribute their opinions, insights, and perspectives can go a long way toward co-creating solutions together.

Lean into your “lead relationship builder” role

A school leader’s role is that of a “lead relationship builder.” Establishing these kinds of authentic and supportive relationships can ultimately create an environment where all members of your school community can thrive. 

And that means you, too. Being a school leader is a big responsibility, and we know it can feel heavy at times. Building these bonds can lift you up just as much as they do the members of your community.